ShaadiSeries

5 things you don’t need in your post-shaadi life

Disclaimer: All views expressed are my own. Well, some of them are. I’ve collated information and things that I have overheard at shaadis and social gatherings. I shall address to them as contributors. I cannot really give them credit, for the sole reason that it would cause a lot of unrest in their lives. Unless I hate them. If I do, their names shall be mentioned alongside their word.

Isn’t being married the best!

Wait, don’t answer that. That’s a rhetorical question. You see the absence of a question mark there? I did that on purpose. Cos it’s not a ‘question’ question. Also, did you notice that I am rambling on pointlessly about how it’s not a question but a rhetoric? I’m filling space while trying to be funny. I hope you would think I’m trying to be funny. Otherwise I’m just a good old blogger who is typing nonsense.

Back to the matter at hand. I’m sure you would have read guides and listicles and hundreds of write ups that prepare you for life before and after marriage. I would like to help you too. But my list is more realistic. I won’t give you the “how to be the ideal wife” gyaan. I’m gonna tell you about those 5 things that you need to rid yourself of after you are married.

  • Toxic relatives

Those aunties who were always fixing you up with potential matches when you were a carefree woman will return. Now that you are married, you would think you have gotten them off your back. But, NO! These aunties don’t disappear. They make a comeback in your life as those aunties who want you to start a family. Funnily enough, a lot of their solutions to marital problems is the same.

“My husband and I are not compatible.”

“Beta, you must have a baby.”

“I think my husband is having an affair.”

“Beta, you must have a baby.”

“My husband snores up a storm! I’m unable to sleep.”

“Beta, baccha kar lo.”

Aunties are devoid of logic. Hence you must avoid them.

  • Your exorbitant trousseau

Unless you intend to walk the ramp everyday in clothes that weigh half your body weight, getting together a lavish wedding trousseau is an absolute waste of resources. I’ve heard ‘contributors’ exclaim in society functions that a certain someone’s dress is way too heavy for a gathering. Reason of their exuberant dressing is always given to be a “shaadi ke time ke kapde pehenti hain ab tak.” She was married for 6 years now so that was saying something.

Unless you are shit rich. Then you can splurge. Who am I to advice you otherwise!

That again was a rhetorical question by the way if you noticed.

  • A selfie stick.

Your husband is now your official photographer. Who needs a selfie stick to take a picture of you with that glorious sunset at the local dhobi ghat now that you have a husband.

Pose away girl!

  • Your dad’s credit card

Bid adieu to that credit card you got as an add-on card on your dad’s. It’s time to grow up. Now that you are married and have a career and life of your own, it is time you demanded the husband for an add-on card on his credit card. And be adamant that the credit card statement be emailed to your email id. Where you shop and spend is your business only, unless you are buying your man that iPhone8 he’s been eyeing for quite some time now. Also, you save paper. Duh!

  • Wrists full of Chooda

No one likes a show off!

You are taking fancy trips to the Bahamas, shopping tours to Dubai, eating out every other day even after being married to each other for a little more than a year. It’s time you took that Chooda off. In fact, you should have taken them off within a month if you ask me. Why put your wrists through all that discomfort!

More than that, why put your husbands through so much! Imagine how many time he wanted to cuddle with you to sleep and instead of holding your hand, he hits the plastic bumps called Chooda. Poor guy. You put him off cuddling and then you complain later in life that he does not cuddle as much as he cuddled before you got married. There were no plastic barriers earlier, ever think of that?

That’s that guys.

I’m sure there’s more to this list but this is just top of my head. If you know anything that needs to be added to this list, write to me or comment below. I shall add them and credit you with the same. Good credits obviously.

Until next time

Cheers!

D

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10 thoughts on “5 things you don’t need in your post-shaadi life”

  1. I am so glad you wrote Toxic Relatives as the first out of those 5 things. Yeah I totally agree..these relatives are the culprits to make life difficult. I have been the victim but learnt the lesson hard way.
    Loved this post.

    Akanksha xoxo

    Like

  2. Relatives and Neighbours who keep asking for things like “Good News” as you mentioned when will you have the baby. Oh god, give me break, I will have a baby when I want to, why do you want to keep asking me. To top it all questions like did she make that sweet on this festival. I don’t like such questions LOL. People need to learn to mind their own business. Loved your post, straight from the heart.

    Like

  3. while i’d like to retain the chooda (given a choice i’ll do that again) but yes toxic relatives and the extensive trousseau is something i never needed or agreed to. but things happen the way they happen, what to do!

    Like

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