The last time I wrote anything on the blog was over two months ago. And that too was a ‘sponsored’ post. Let me break it down to you. Most of the content you see on a blog, if in the end it plugs a certain product, 99 percent chances are that it is paid for. Nothing wrong with that. That’s exactly how new-age advertising and marketing works. That’s how customer reach is widened and the audience gets to know about a new product or a service.
However for me, personally, the fun and the release that came with incessant writing did not come with posting paid content on the blog. Ofcourse, it meant that I was finally earning some money, if not good, while doing something that I enjoyed. But in the process, what I enjoyed doing started to become too daunting a task. Deadlines were supposed to be followed, a format to be kept in mind, keywords to be inserted and dozens of back and forth checks with the brand before the post finally went live on the blog. That was not fun at all!
Someone who had read my blog from the time I started writing 7 years ago, pointed out to me that the tone of my posts had changed. That I was too cheerful.
“Woah! How’s that a bad thing?”, I asked.
“Well, that’s not the real you! You are anything but cheerful when you blog. You are sarcastic and sassy and sometimes, over emotional. Never cheery. What’s wrong with you?” she exclaimed.
Damn it, she was right.
This remarkably sane friend who has made an appearance in my anecdote at a point of convenience while I was trying to make a point. She IS right. She IS also very imaginary but that’s not the issue here.
My writing is the issue right now because I am suddenly hyper aware of being judged.
I am a critical, overbearing and an overly friendly person who will do anything to not be on your bad side. But I cannot tolerate bullshit. When I read crap online, I am always the one orchestrating a backlash.
And then I read the content I’ve created recently and I want to seriously punch myself in the face. But I also want to give myself some benefit of doubt. I am the Bruce Banner-Hulk version of blogging gone awry because I’m constantly oscillating. Never fierce nor angry nor aware. But I’m mighty miserable because at this rate, I’m sure I’m gonna run out of ideas. My creative well is drying up and just like how these similes are getting more juvenile, I am too!
It’s time I let Banner-Me take a backseat and let Hulk-Me take over the blog for awhile. Hulk-Me was writing posts before sponsorships and campaigns happened and I was Happy and the reader was Happy.
As Captain America would now promptly tell me, “Dr Banner, now would be a great time for you to get angry!”
“That’s my secret captain. I’m always angry!”
AAAAARRGGGHHHHHHH *furious typing*